humor (is it a repeat??)
Quotes from Actual Medical Records:
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and
he was feeling better.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had
completely disappeared.
She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she
was very hot in bed last night.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing
me in 1983.
I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and a
anxious.
Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then,
when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also
appears to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get
Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with only a 40# weight gain in the past 3 days.
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
directions in early December.
The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for
her original complaints.